Grr. Boo. Hiss.

I had to wait until the comments stopped…or died down really, on one of my previous posts (What does it mean to be Christian?) in order to write this one. Seriously, that post was my most commented on post, I think, ever – with currently 62 comments. Actually, the theme and original intent of my post was completely changed by the end into a debate against creationism and evolution. Why is that?

In my opinion, it’s because in the end it was just a battle of who was right. Well, let me break that down for you. We all think we’re right, and we all have reasons for that. It’s just that some of us can’t open up their mind to be swayed one way or another. Just like the debate between Bill Nye and Ken Ham. Lots of fun things in that debate – but there’s one question that they were given that didn’t answer the question of whose more right as much as it did character. It was something to the degree of, “What, if anything, will change your stance on the Creationist/Evolution debate?” Ken Ham said he is a firm believer and nothing will change that. Bill Nye, on the other hand, said he can be swayed if there was evidence. In short, Ken Ham is completely closed-minded and stubborn underneath an outer shell of over-confidence while Bill Nye remains an open-minded lover of science that would change his opinion if viable evidence supported creationism. That speaks magnitude of character, and a person you can get along with. Even if he was right, I couldn’t get along with Ken because of how incredibly stubborn and closed-minded he is.

It’s like a discussion of Jim and Dwight in the office:

JIM:
Wow, check it out, they found this awesome stone that’s billions of years old.

PAM:
Wow, it’s pretty!

DWIGHT:
False. The world is only 6,000 years old.

Yeah, normally Dwight spoke the truth on the show, I was more talking about the killjoy and closed-minded attitude Dwight was famous for. We’re talking about attitudes here, not facts or opinions.

Most of us change opinions throughout life, as that’s a part of growing up, learning, and developing who we are. Same with taste buds and our ability to grow curious about different things. That’s why we experiment and go through phases in life. That’s who we are as people. The altering attitudes between scientists and creationists are as follows: In general, their clashing stances get heated because neither will ever let up. They both believe they are correct and both have what they consider evidence to support. Evolutionists have physical evidence, creationists have the “spoken word” of the Bible. The one thing that differs between the two, other than the altered opinions, is the fact that scientists love information and knowledge. They love learning knew things and applying them to the world around them. Even if that means information and knowledge that proves creationist views correct. Creationists, on the other hand, don’t love information and knowledge.. Even if they think they do, they don’t, because they ignore it and come up with their own interpretation. Otherwise, this info and knowledge would hurt them, and they can’t have that.

SO – Creationists are about protecting their own age-old interpretation of the scriptures while evolutionists are about solving the mysteries of the world while being fascinated at the same time. So you gotta ask yourself one question. Would you rather surround yourself with people that are open or closed-minded? Now, before you go off spouting creationists aren’t closed-minded, let me borrow some comments from that post:

…God said thorns are one of the effects of the curse following man’s sin. He has his reasons. I am not to question them…. (Tim)

***

“I am not to question them”

Okay, so, why did God even give you a brain if you aren’t going to use it? when there are conflicting interpretations between huge things like this, you’re allowed to be objective and question them. God gave you a brain, after all. It’s natural TO question it, yet you shut your brain off and thus: blindly accept what you read as a fact sheet. There’s nothing wrong with questioning anything, unless you think God gave us a brain for a different reason than what we naturally use it for. (Me)

The fact is, there’s a lot of these moments where I’m forced to ask why not? Like Ken Ham saying nothing will ever sway him, or like Tim saying I’m not going to question it. There are these little moments in debates like this where you can clearly see a solid wall that creationists refuse to pass. I may be generalizing a bit, and maybe not all creationists are like that, but so far, it’s been a pretty common trait.

I’m sorry, but it is a very human instinct to use our brain for knowledge and input, and to just learn everything we possibly can on the matters that  we’re passionate about. Especially things we’re passionate about. That means these people had to put up a wall for their own protection on what they fear is on the other side: sin and manipulating temptation. Or in other words: the truth that could sway them, and that terrifies them.

The only thing I can say on the matter is: this isn’t the dark side of the force, guys. We don’t have some kind of evil vendetta to destroy religion or worship Satan or whatever else you think we’re doing. We’re just living our lives like the rest of you, we’re just not letting anything control our lives.

 

This is Honestly Terrifying

Here and there, I’ve been known to sport my believe in gun control. Not so much get rid of all guns! But something that makes things a little harder for bad guys to get in contact with. Recently, I read about a cool new “smart gun” that won’t shoot unless you’re wearing a special watch. Very James Bond-y and if all guns were like that, it would be harder to get on the black market, harder to crack, bla blah. Overall, it seemed like a decent attempt towards reasonable gun control. And then I saw this little gem.

Let me break it down for you folks. The future of technology is the 3D printer. In theory, 3D printers are really cool, you can really make anything with them if you got the proper blueprints. It makes it with plastic, by the way.

So this feller figured out a way to make gun parts in plastic, and he’s telling people who have 3D printers now how to make their own. They believe within a few years people everywhere will be able to make their own weapons from scratch – as easy as a big red button that says make rifle now. It doesn’t matter who they are, regular citizen, serial killer…child who just figured out how to use the computer. Just imagine it. These guns are completely unregistered, have no serial number, are plastic so you can get them past security. We are going to be killing each other. It will be global genocide.

I hold on to the hope that a complete-plastic gun would explode or melt after the first shot of the gun. I don’t know how that works. If they do this though, if they make like… an”open source” gun that actually works… We’re screwed. We already have at least some gun control currently, but after this is made, we won’t have an ounce of gun control. Will it be illegal to manufacture your own unregistered weapon, I’d be surprised if it wasn’t…but so is downloading music, tv, and movies and yet that still goes down. This may be the first time technology has scared me in its advancements.

There are No Rules in Domestic Violence – My Story

Dave:

Had to reblog this one. Lots of really important stuff that I’ve come into contact with firsthand that is still ignored in society by way too many people. He put it best when he talked about the provocation. He must have done something! He must have provoked her! Wrong. There really are no rules. It’s just too bad that society has a hard time discerning that.

Originally posted on jisbell22:

 I was asked to speak today to some of our state senators and representatives.   Here are my remarks:

View original

What does it mean to be Christian?

What makes a person a Christian? From everything I’ve ever heard, it’s not about going to church, or praying, or anything like that. It’s following Christ by example. Well even that’s not specific enough, because everyone has their own idea of who Christ even was. Heck, even the Klu Klux Klan are “Christian”, go check out their website and see for yourself.

By the way, I couldn’t help myself, I had to check up on the KKK because of a movie I was watching with them in it. It was A Time to Kill, and there was something specific they said…it was about taking justice into their own hands, and they needed people in the area that would help. Someone else said, “what, like those skinheads that want to blow the government up?” to which the other man responded, “No, good Christians. God fearing Klan”.

That had me thinking. Christians. God fearing Klan…yet they judge and judge and and hurt people that don’t deserve it. Sound familiar? I’ve often stated my views towards LGBT rights, and how the whole reason they feel ashamed of themselves is because of the Christian religion. Well guess what all of them say, “We love everyone, they are all our brothers and sisters, but if they act towards their sinful desires, they’ll burn in hell”.

Now back to the KKK, guess what their website says when asked what their main goal is? The say:

“We want to stop White genocide. This seems absurd to some people. They look around and they don’t see masses of white bodies floating down a river as one might see with the victims of the Rwandan genocide of recent years. They don’t turn on the evening news and see bodies of massacred white people laid out in a field or on a street. They think white genocide is a joke or some crazy idea we have come up with. They don’t take it seriously.”

Doesn’t the ignorance and audacity just rattle your bones? White genocide? What is that? That’s insensitivity hidden behind lies covering up their true feelings on the matter. Now just imagine if you call them ignorant. Also

“God made us all. We simply believe that the United States of America was founded as a white Christian nation. We base this belief on the many writings of our founding fathers as well as the Declaration of Independence. We believe there are those who hate the concepts of Western civilization – Christianity – and wish to turn the United States into a different type of nation than what was originally intended by our ancestors. We think it would be terrible if white Christians ceased to exist and we are working to preserve and promote their interests”

Then you also believe in the Constitution, right? There’s something about equality in there if I remember correctly. I’m not just talking about the K.K.K. here. 

They go on to say they don’t hate anyone, they’re just doing this to promote this and that. Got it. But, even if that were 100% true (totally isn’t), there are still plenty of those that follow their example and take it into their own hands radically, and turn out to be 100% racist. There is someone that I know that every second of the day posts really mean-spirited racist remarks. Stuff that would really hurt people, I mean really really hurt people, and it’s not even remotely correct, most of it is taken out of context while the rest is ignored to promote their own agenda.

So do I equate Christianity’s overall stance on gays to the KKK’s stance on blacks? For the most part yes, because according to both of their statements, they are both indirectly responsible for the death of others, and both would never claim responsibility for the pain the trail of their teachings reach, sometimes elevating to death. Yes death. Gays are both tortured and killed because other people follow by proxy, the example of Christianity, and gays also commit suicide because they think death is a better option than nonacceptance of something beyond their control.

So why does it even matter? Well, because both of these are essentially role models. You state an opinion like: Gays aren’t bad people, they just make bad decisions – and you get a horde of people saying gay people are disgusting and deserve the pain they get. See: Sochi or you state on opinion like: We are trying to stop white genocide, but we don’t hate anyone, and you get people who kill every other race than white, because that sounds like “being white is the best, I feel sorry for anyone who isn’t white”. Both are indirectly responsible, they both see the damage it creates, and then they do nothing to change it.

So, what does it mean to be Christian? Maybe it means looking the other way and ignoring what’s right in front of you.  As far as I’m concerned, being Christian means having the unpopular opinion that you hold on for as long as you can muster before someone figures out how to prove you wrong. Fact is, the majority of Christians were against blacks, were against women voting, and they’re still against gays and various other things like evolution. They have always seemed to hold the unpopular opinion and it’s been overturned every time. The LGBT thing will eventually pass, but the prejudice against them probably won’t in my lifetime. It will pass, it’s just sad that things like this that shouldn’t be an issue or dragged on for so long by ignorance.

 

The Metaphor

• 1;2
• 1,2
• 1,2,3
• 1;2,3
• 1;2,3,4
• 1,3;2
• 1,3;2,5
• 1;2,5
• 1;2,6
• 1;2,6,7
• .5

The End

You’re welcome.

Confidence

I can often be seen talking down about Christian about their messages spreading hate towards people that don’t deserve it. Hurting other people, however, isn’t what Christianity always does though, I think I should make that clear. Sometimes Christianity has the power to unknowingly hurt its own believer. What do I mean by that? Well…it’s hard to say without plainly giving examples. So here you go:

How many times have you heard the following?

• Thank the lord for helping me find a job that I love.
• Thank the lord for helping me deal with this unruly child
• Thank the lord for giving me strength to deal with the passing of my spouse
• Etc and so forth…

Is there anything specifically wrong with Christianity for saying these things? Well, not directly, no. There’s no reason why you shouldn’t trust god or have faith in him to help you when you need him the most…but here’s what I read out of the most conservative of Christians that thank God for everything…the complete lack of confidence.

• Thank the lord for helping me find a job that I love.
  • Thank the lord? Listen man, you went after your dreams, you had faith in yourself and kept the strength to keep fighting for your dreams even after all else looked impossible.
• Thank the lord for helping me deal with this unruly child.
  • Really? You don’t think that you are smart enough to figure out how to deal with your own child? Your kids love you even if they don’t show it, and they will always rebel, sometimes in a way that seems impossible to deal with, but they will always come around. You have a connection, a bond, and you are an intelligent adult with a life experience. You are a strong, independent person capable of achieving anything that your heart desires.
• Thank the lord for giving me strength to deal with the passing of my spouse
  • Death in the family is rough. I know, but it’s not the end. If God wasn’t around, you’d find it in yourself to push forward for your family’s sake. They need you, as you once needed the one who you lost at that point in time. Time heals a broken heart. The love of your family will engulf you and you will be able to deal with the passing easier.

Give yourself some credit, seriously. Thank God now and then, but you need to know that you are capable of a lot of things and deserve some credit. I am musically inclined, love to write, know how to operate computer tech, how to film, like to act, I learn fast, have a great short term memory, and all this. A good portion of my own list is stuff that I have taken the time to learn, it wasn’t just given to me, I did it. Even my personality is learned, I know I can’t act a certain way with one person, but I can for another. So I do. Give yourself some credit.

I’m gonna have to mention another common thing I hear, but this doesn’t have to deal with self-harm and low self-esteem like the first portion does, it’s just something I feel I have to address. “If you’re not for me, then you’re against me”. Different interpretations say different things, but it all means the same thing, and it’s what Jesus says. Okay, now here’s where it gets tricky ladies and gents…perception.

No one person’s perception of Jesus is identical, because we all have these blind theories and assumptions of how we see him. See, I think Jesus is just God, and even agnostic, I’m for God, not against, but for my vision of what God means to me. However, people would think my vision is wrong, and only theirs is right. I just want to say – think whatever you want, but never tell me that I’m against God based on your own personal view of who he is.

Christianity…in a nutshell

Welcome to Earth, my name is God, and you will be worshipping me. If you don’t, I will send you to Hell to burn eternally. This is your brain. You use this to think with. Better not be thinking of anything other than worshipping me. Use your mouth to speak your mind and to ask questions, but don’t ever question me. You also use your brain to create a unique personality. I gave you free will, so you can take that personality and literally do an unlimited amount of things with it. You can find friends, passions, work, and other things that you will learn to love. You can do millions of good deeds in your life, but none of it will matter unless you worship me. Even if you already worship me, everything you do doesn’t matter. See that 70 year-old that devoted his life to saving lives and is seen as a true saint? The first 20 years of his life he devoted to stopping bullies, the second 20 years of his life, he served in the War, saving hundreds of soldiers, the next 20 years, he spent as a police officer, guarding our streets, stopping multiple home invasions and shootouts. In his final decade, he was a security officer that covered a bomb with his body as he shouted to everyone to get out of the building, sacrificing himself. He’s an atheist. Straight to Hell with him.

I am a beacon of light, joy, and love, but if you’re gay, never express yourself. You can join me in Heaven if you worship me and stay strong to that will to being depressed. Hey, if you can lie to yourself and get a wife out of fear of what other people might think, even better. Props!

By the way, just so everyone understands clearly, all sin is equal in my mind. If you sin, you sin. There is no such thing as a “worse sin”, because that’s just it…a sin is a sin as I’ve said before. That means little Bobby that stole a sucker from the gas station is every bit as liable as that child-rapist-serial-killer that on his spare time, likes to bomb malls. In my mind…the crimes are the same.

And while you’re in heaven, you get to worship me 24/7 365 days a year, and if you don’t like it, there’s another place you can go, and that’s eternal Hell. Yes, I know your Earthly desires are vital to what makes you you, they are a part of your personality, your soul, but I don’t care, because all I want is for you to worship me. Yes, I give you free will, but in reality I blackmail you to choose between two terrifying places – Heaven or Hell. Well guess what? Heaven is physically more comfortable, so it’s the lesser of two evils. Time is ticking. Make your choice.

And people wonder why I’m agnostic…

I believe that there is a God, a merciful God that really is a beacon of light, joy, and love. However, that’s about it. I believe the Bible tells us of one way to be saved, and it’s not what Christians think. The Bible is a book of metaphors, but there is one very clear message throughout the book in its entirety – be a better person. Be kind and never stop fighting to be better.

There is no way I will even start to accept a God that will not allow a man or woman to be happy if they are gay. That is the most disgusting thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life. It’s not about the “life choice” of being gay or the fact that you are gay, it’s the action? Bull. God cannot sit there and be happy that one of his sons or daughters is in agonizing pain for the rest of their life because they know what they want, are able to get it, but can’t. He can’t be happy with them depressed and getting kicked out of their houses and committing suicide because they feel unloved or unwelcomed. Christians would argue that that isn’t the case, but it is. They think the answer is “praying the gay away” or that being gay is a “choice” or all this, so stopping them from committing a particular act isn’t really all that bad, because…it’ll pass and they’ll live, and eventually thank the Christians right? I’m sorry, that is the most judgmental, homophobic, and hateful thing I’ve ever heard. Christians are the reason of why kids are being kicked out of their house. Christians are the reason these kids are committing suicide. Christians are the reasons for hate wars and what this world is afraid of, and do I want to be stuck in Heaven with these animals? I don’t think so.

There’s also no way I would start to accept a God that sees truly amazing people devoting their lives to saving lives and donating to charity, and being considered a saint because they want to see true peace, and then send them to hell because they are an atheist. Give me a break. At this point, I want to join the gay communities, to join the atheist communities.

Atheists, to be fair, are as judgmental as Christians, but here’s the thing – they single out their judgments on religion, so there are always these…debates on who is right. Neither will concede, so the fight turns ugly and no one wins. Now. Christians are judgmental on everyone that isn’t them. They try to turn nonbelievers into believers, but do it in the worst possible way. They don’t choose their audience, they think there is some sort of “universal” language that they can talk to everyone equally, hit all of the emotional targets on everyone the same way. Well, because there is no such thing as a universal language, they sound like narcissistic jerks that don’t know how to take a hint. They should instead look at it from a salesperson perspective. You can’t sell anything unless you first sell yourself, and you can’t sell yourself unless you understand who you’re talking to. I was a salesman, I got a lot of doors slammed in my face because I wasn’t selling myself, and that’s exactly what Christians are doing. The only doors that remain open for them are other Christians. That’s why Christian movies are freaking terrible – they are only made for Christians, yet they attempt to sell a message that Christianity is the best way….but who are they trying to talk to? I don’t know, but it’s not the general public. You know, the people they really want to reach deep down inside?

What’s the meaning of life? That’s the oldest question in the world, but why don’t we dig a little further and ask ourselves why we even need to ask that? My theory is that Christianity unknowingly created the question. They teach us, as I’ve mentioned above, that whatever the heck we do in life is really meaningless, all we have to do is follow Christ. The rest is earthly desires and passions and won’t really make a difference in the end. Well isn’t that just…tempting. Christianity tells us that the meaning of life is getting to heaven, and everything done on earth is more or less…pointless. All you need to do is one thing to get into Heaven. Sorry, but I’m not buying it. What’s the meaning of life? Here’s my answer – to live.

Carpe diem, people.

Carpe diem.

Brown Mackie Disdain

Take a seat, boys and girls. I’m going to tell you a little story. This story specifically takes place in South Bend, Indiana, but it may be relevant to other cities and other states as well. It’s about a little community college known as Brown Mackie College. If you are unaware of what that is, turn the TV on, somewhere in the commercials is usually an advertisement for the school which promotes taking one class at a time, a different class each month, that’s Brown Mackie.

In October, 2011, I began to go to Brown Mackie. Those advertisements actually worked. When I first went in to apply, I was greeted by the happiest of smiles. The parking lot that circled the building was always jam-packed with cars. There is two picnic tables in the back of the school, both of which were always filled with students remaining social and just…living. In the building, it couldn’t have been more resourceful. There was a hallway with a window for the student registrar as well as speedy financial aid service. That hallways was also always lined up with students, and there was always someone available. The bookstore was always open in case students needed a certain book or school supplies, heck, they even had emergency medication in stock. Then, of course, there was the whole other SECOND school campus, where your focused “hands-on” classes were going to be studied at. Life was seriously good, and I was excited to start my first two years on Criminal Justice before I transferred to my Bachelor Degree.

The first year was beautiful. I couldn’t have been better at what I did, I was a straight A student. Everything remained intact, my life was good. After which, my life did go a different route for a while, and I couldn’t focus on school. School itself was still doing everything right at this point, I was just dealing with a lot of legal problems and stress. So did I fail a class, yes, and a lot of that had to do with my obligations at home and time management. I take full responsibility. But the second year is what I am getting increasingly upset with.

Let me tell you how many things have changed since I have started. The parking lot area is often really bare. The picnic table areas are deserted most of the time, unless kids are on break and they just need somewhere to go to smoke. The hallway with the registrar and Financial Aid window is a ghost town, with no one operating anything. You’re lucky if you find the bookstore open. They had cutbacks, and fired a bunch of teachers, including my program director…they replaced him with someone that knows nothing about Criminal Justice. They got rid of Tuesdays in a lot of classes, including mine, replacing it with online work. They shut down the other campus. Students continually complain about their financial aid because apparently a financial aid adviser stole a lot of kids stipends and skipped town.

I don’t trust this school anymore. I don’t feel secure. There was a time that I had a lot of stress in my life, and school was a way out. I used to be able to go to school and relax, and simultaneously get an A because I felt comfortable, I felt safe, I felt secure. I just keep seeing this school steadily decline, and it is an ugly, ugly thing. Some change is good, there are some changes that I didn’t list because they were really small, and I just don’t care to mention. Things like getting rid of the weekly announcements, changing printer policy…little things that no sane person would really complain about. I still don’t think any of the changes are positive though.

These things distract me, and I’m having trouble even maintaining a D in class. It’s because I don’t feel right in school anymore. It’s a hassle to try to push for another day in school, even though I can almost visibly see the walls caving in. I don’t have claustrophobia, but with so much decline, how am I supposed to be positive the school won’t completely just…die out with me inside? I don’t want to fall victim to this. You might think this is over-exaggeration, but the change is drastic, and it’s bad. I kid you not, while I was speaking to someone who applied to the school not too terribly long ago, they said they decided not to go – here’s why:

“I’m not going there. They dicked me around from day one. Kept changing my start date and it gave me a bad vibe” - Anonymous

Even the people that don’t go there now can at least sense the reasons to stay away. I can’t be certain, but judging from the rapid decline in automobiles outside, I’d say the people that were going found a reason not to anymore. I’ve also spoken to my friends that attend, and most of them have bad things to say about the school. None of them, however, have the courage to actually say something about it. It’s basically the same thing I’ve been telling myself – get through it. You’re almost done, just get through it and don’t look back.

I really am almost done. Months away, but getting there is going to be difficult, because they did completely remove my financial aid. I am getting billed, even though they said I wouldn’t be. The numbers on the bills are scary. What are the chances of everything just so happening right? I feel like I’m in a snowball tumbling down, and I can tell the school’s drop is getting worse with every passing day. What’s going to happen? I have no idea. 

I feel like outside of class, I’m taking control of my life in a positive outlook. I’m being me, I’m happy, I’m doing what I love, I’m making long term goals and all of the steps to get to where I want to get to, and I’m taking risks. I’m following signs and taking leaps of faith, and part of me does depend on school. Actually a big part of me depends on school. I don’t like having dependence, because that feels like I’m not in control of my own life. I learned while living in the many different places that I’ve lived that I feel most like me…pretty much when I make my own decisions, buy my own food, buy my own furniture. That feels like me. I want to get there again, and a big part of me wants to do it out of state.. The thing about Indiana is that it sucks you in and kind of…keeps you there. We were once one of the lowest economic statuses in South Bend, if you’re there during that crisis, you’re kind of stuck.

Though…I’m growing, and I feel as though the next big step is something out-of-state. Maybe the externship will let me go out-of-state.

Welcome Home! A Babylonian Perspective on Rainbow

Welcome Home!
A Babylonian Perspective on Rainbow

I was just given the opportunity to add experience points to my life roster. I welcome new things and consider myself open-minded, but nothing could have prepared me for a Rainbow gathering. There are National Gatherings, International Gatherings and Regional Gatherings, this was only a Regional, but the smaller the group, the more close-knit everyone is, feeling more like an immediate family than a super-extended family at some of the bigger gatherings. The following entries are from a paper journal I kept with me. Keep in mind I was struggling with some personal issues that I don’t mention anywhere, so that did affect my overall experience negatively. I’m one of those people that have to warm up to a foreign situation to really understand or accept what’s going on. In hippie terms, I really lead the “Babylonian” life.

Babylonian: adj; The outside world; mainstream

Just a quick pointer, what you see in blue is my comments on my journal entry. I do that so I keep the original emotion intact, and then add my ideas on everything from a retrospective side. To me, I think it’s really important to show how you originally felt, and what changed later. So right along we go.

Day 1: “Welcome Home” – July 3^rd, 2013

After driving for what seems like a full twenty-four hours, the gang and I found the heart of Manistee National Forest. Now I shouldn’t really complain, because as the saying goes, “half the fun is getting there”, and as packed as the car was, there really wasn’t any complaints in the air, just jubilant faces with the biggest smiles in anticipation for the rest of the week and weekend. I also have no way of knowing if this camp is truly in the center, but emotionally and spiritually, Rainbow was the true heart of the forest. It’s called Rainbow because it invites people of all age and races freely into their home, all walks of life are found huddled together around a campfire sharing stories until the sun comes up. For those of you who aren’t aware of what Rainbow is at all, it is a gathering found all over the world in a National, International, or Regional setting. You may know it from where it originated – Woodstock.

From an outsider’s perspective, Rainbow is what you’d expect it to be – hippies gathered around, saying things like “groovy” and “far out”, smoking funny things, and spreading love and positive vibes to everyone around. Some hippies were stereotypical, while others weren’t so much stereotypical. The description of hippie that we all know of is only passed on part-truth, at least modernly speaking, I am not an expert on hippies. Hippies are just people that want to get away from the real world, something we all want from time to time, they just do it in the most primitive of ways (for them, it’s not so much of an escape from the real world, but returning to the real world, and escaping Babylon). Then, a “kitchen” which is just a fire pit with a grill, pots and pans. I can easily say that as a bigger picture, I didn’t know what to expect. They all welcomed us with open arms, shouting “Welcome Home!” at the top of their lungs – they let everyone have a voice through the passing of a feather. They “Ohm’d” like they meant business. But I’m afraid I won’t fit in here. This really isn’t my forte. You know how when you go to people’s homes you can see and feel the love they have for each other? It was like that, but I still felt like a guest, so it did start to feel strange.

The second day here has only just begun, and maybe it will change everything for me. It is the Fourth of July, as a matter of fact. One that will be very different than what I’m used to, that’s for sure.

I just want to comment on the part where I said “I didn’t know what to expect”. From my understanding, no one really knows what to expect at a Rainbow gathering. It seems to me that their biggest focus is to get everyone to a gathering and have them just experience it for themselves, because Rainbow is different for everyone, and affects them all differently respectfully. I welcome new things, but fear the unknown. It’s pretty much a catch 22, and it is hard to explain, but it’s true. My Babylonian nature will shine it’s brightest on my most difficult day out there, the Fourth of July.

Day 2: Isolation – July 4^th, 2013

Happy Independence Day! I barely slept last night, I guess that I am unreasonably terrified of bears. You see, the word is that bears are active in these parts, one was seen eating a deer…so now I am imagining my tent being targeted by the biggest, meanest bear out there. Yes, mine will be chosen over the numerous other tents available…because mine is special, you see.

While we’re talking about how many people there are here, let’s talk about how amazing the human mind is at feeling even more Isolated with more people around. I know a grand total of two people here, and it seems as if everyone else is all good friends and having a good time. I think that’s magnificent, but end up just spending most of the time in my tent.

The day started out today with a silence treatment. It was eerily quiet as people walked through their normal day routines just smiling and waving to each other, not saying a word, and from what I hear, they went off and did a nice ohm and went to dinner circle. I wasn’t there because I slept through it. At this point I hadn’t eaten in 24 hours, or drank anything in the same amount of time, but I still hiked to catch up to everyone (who were in the other camp about a mile and a half away). I got lost three times in that hike when I got caught up, everyone was already coming back, so at this point I’m over-heated, malnourished, and dehydrated – not a good look for me. Needless to say, my day hadn’t been all that great up to this point, which is a shame, given the holiday.

I did find a bag of snacks that I Brought and I stole them for myself. It makes me feel bad and selfish, because their system has a lot to do with sharing with everyone. However, I worry about my weight, because I require something like 3,500 calories a day, and I know they are doing their best out of love at the kitchen, but I’m starting to freak out. There is three more days left.

I can’t blame anyone, nor do I wish to. It is their system that has independence but togetherness. You are allowed to be whoever you want here, do whatever you want, that’s part of what makes it so special. My main problem is that I don’t know what I want. It’s this mystery that keeps me confined to the tent.

4.5 hours later and no toilet later, I woke up still in my tent. It was getting darker and I hadn’t accomplished anything in the day, so I decided to do some math and count how many calories I had in that goodie bad, and even though it’s all unhealthy, I can actually feed myself about 4,500 calories a day, it’s not looking as grim hunger-wise. However, food in a tent is just asking for a bear to eat you.

Some major points I need to address. Not eating or drinking anything for twenty-four hours was my own choice, and it was a pretty stupid one at that. The food they made is really great, I just have quite a problem with pride, as it turns out. No toilet does come into play later though, which I still think is probably the biggest problem of the entire experience – no potty. No outhouse. Just a hole in the ground marked “The Sh*%%#r”. Also, I called the things they do a “system”, however looking back, there is just the opposite – no system. You look too deep into something and you start to see something that isn’t there – everything is voluntary and done out of love if no one wanted to help out in different areas, nothing would get done, now that is not a system at all. I didn’t experience the holiday as everyone else did, and I can say because of my choices, I probably had the worst Independence Day of my life. By the way – I mentioned something about how everyone seemed to be having a good time together – that was exactly the point to the degree that I just didn’t understand completely yet.

Day 3: Hump Day – July 5^th, 2013

The worst is over, we’re over the halfway point or…over the hump as many would call it. I figured out that the main reasons I was having a bad day yesterday was due to several fears – as well as it being a non-traditional Independence Day. Those fears I had all pretty much had to do with my demise unfortunately – mauled by wild bears, starvation, lack of water, heart attack – you name it, I was freaked out enough to believe it. As soon as I found I had more than enough food at my disposal, and enough water, the other fears kind of left with them.

I am still pretty week, because my food situation is pretty much snacks due to my pride. For some reason, I don’t want to eat the food that they provide. I have a clean bowl, but when it comes to cleaning dishes, I’m a stickler. Anyone who has seen me wash dishes knows that about me. So this dish that I have may only be used once, if at all (it was used – more than once). All I can say is that it’s better off than the guy in 127 Hours, but I also have to say that it’s something I have to get used to before I learn to find my appetite again. I’m going to lose a lot of weight. I have spent a majority of the time here trying to spend time with those two people I know, but that’s about to change. It seems that everyone here has an oxymoron – all the time in the world with no time to spare. I never want to interrupt anyone, because everyone is always doing something. So today, I am going to explore alone. There are a few bad things that might happen, I might get mauled by a vicious bear or see the wrong end of a shot gun.

Turns out, I didn’t go exploring today.  I instead decided to just sit around the others for a while and just chill out. Seems that after the Holiday, things have simmered down. After blueberry and banana pancakes were made, I decided to go to my tent while the others went to the beach. I didn’t feel like swimming. I’ve gotten use to eating small amounts of trail mix every day. Good news for survival, bad news for that bad food habit needing to be broken again.

At 5:00pm, I decided “heck with it” and explored anyway, an hour later and 10,000 bug bites later, I returned to camp. Everyone was still gone.

My journal for the day apparently ends here, I believe I had an early sleep. Now this was probably more of the relaxed days I spent here, as you remember I was still dealing with some issues at the same time, which as you can see was affecting how I perceived things. The next entry will have almost a rant of negative things. My mood really swung out there in the woods. I will say, however, that I did break down and use that dish washing system, and it was fine. There were specific things happening that just made me want to lash out in frustration. So sorry in advanced.

Day 4: Reflection Day – July 6^th 2013

I could totally go for some Taco Bell right now, or Subway, or Burger King, or McDonalds, Steak ‘n Shake, Arby’s’, Pizza Hut, or hey! Homemade burgers with store bought curly fries – that sounds great. It’s been another 24 hours without food, I think. My choice, but also – even though I have enough calories at my disposal, eating that much food will get me really sick. I also haven’t used the restroom in 24 hours. Turns out I might just be running on empty.

Last night, everyone made a sweat lodge. All things considered, I think that’s really awesome and smart, something I could never do. I didn’t use it, I ended up crashing early like I do every night. I have no idea how long they stay up, but I’m starting to think their tents are for storage while they stay awake forever. Seriously, on more than one occasion, I’ve watched the sun set and couldn’t sleep until the sun actually rose, and could still hear them over there. Anyways, if they could just make me a Subway building, that’d be great.

Woke up this morning next to this gem staring me in the face. He sat there, right there, on my water bottle like he owned it. I had to kill it, I had to, survival of the fittest. Him or me! I think I’m losing my mind a bit.

I have this rash that was bothering me before I left on the trip. Well I think I found its center, and I’m pretty sure it’s a bug bite of some kind, and maybe even infected? It doesn’t look too good, and it’s really spread. It’s on my upper thigh, so the spreading could simple be due to so much walking – my pants would act as an itching agent. It itches pretty bad, and is clearly pretty sensitive, I can’t just not walk – I have school tomorrow.

I’m starting to get a good feel about how things work around here. My advice will only go out to other particular people like myself. I was told to bring a bowl and a spoon, but not necessarily why. Obviously for food, but to what extent? You are to use it over and over, as a food bowl, cup for drinks, anything to do with food really. I am anal-retentive when it comes to how dishes are cleaned – with a nice sparkling clean sink and designated fault-proof system. They had a dish wash system that looks like it couldn’t do the job 100% right. I will throw away a “clean” fork if I notice rubbery gunk in its wedges, which represent old gunk that were never cleaned properly in the fork, and kind of hardened since. Blech.

Also, I don’t like Comcast Cable, why is that important? Because their system of shared network across neighborhoods really lessens the quality of the picture and/or internet. Why is this relevant – because the kitchen kind of works like that – everyone shares, which is awesome, but I can’t see everyone getting what they need nutritionally speaking – everyone needs something different. Like me, I haven’t even touched meat this whole time, and I can tell it’s affecting me negatively.

Next, there is a reason I don’t like the provided bathroom, and get ready, because this may get a bit TMI. I don’t like it, not only because it isn’t a bathroom or even outhouse, but because of technical provisions. I’m glad it’s there as an option, but it is split long ways as a hole in the ground. The whole reason why toilets function the way that they do is out of comfort and convenience. They are built in a complicate, but intricate system to promptly spread certain body parts apart while offering rest to your feet as you go. Perfect system. If someone could fashion together a toilet seat, I’d be glad to give it a go – because I can’t squat.

So to anyone out there interested in Rainbow, here’s the basics – the whole idea is removing yourself from society to get you back to the primitive base of existence – it’s there that they offer you love and just a good time – as a community and as a family. If you aren’t very particular on how you eat/wash dishes, go to the bathroom, have possibly no meat or electricity, than this really is the place for you. If you match those things, Rainbow offers the answer to your solutions, and I mean all of them. If you don’t match those things, and are particular, you are just going to have a better time doing something else. I say that because Rainbow patrons believe everyone should go, I believe otherwise – everyone is different and there’s not a single thing that is good for everyone. It’s meant as an escape from life, and the trouble associated with how life treats us. It comes a problem, however, when I’m trying to find an escape from it.

They talk mad crap about food industries and processed whatever – and it just makes me hungry. I would rather be eating the processed stuff than no stuff at all. I’m a carnivore, plain and simple, I’m about ready to go, find a bear, spear it, and eat it right about now. Yum. Seriously, I have seen all of those “disturbing” documentaries on the harsh reality of the food industry, and I swear to God, it just makes me drool…every time. For me, food is food, and meat is meat. Processed or not, I’m pretty much a spawn of Ron Swanson.

Today is a reflection day in more ways than one. I will not move around too much today because of my rash. It’s also a reflection day to provide you with my consensus of Rainbow. I also don’t want to move around too much, on account that at this time, I don’t want more of an appetite than I already have. More food means more non-poops.

They do eat meat, by the way. They just didn’t have much because in the wilderness, meat spoils fast. I could have also requested it, but again…I just don’t like asking for help. By the end of this journal entry, I was quote-on-quote done. I wasn’t going to leave the tent unless I had to go to the bathroom or go home. However, before the night was up, I finally just took that energy of wanting to give up, and just relaxed and gave in and stopped fighting everything. It was something like one in the morning when I finally decided for one night, I would get out of bed and actually stick around with everyone until dawn. I am not ashamed to admit that I had a great time. The quiet nature really had a calming effect on everyone. There were amazing fire dancers and the food just kept coming. Finally, I realized why these people stayed up so late.

Day 5: Fin – July 7^th, 2013

This morning I woke up earlier than anyone else, which was to be expected since going to bed was not long ago. I had a deep feeling in my gut and I had internal and external problems that all told me it was time to go. As soon as my ride was awake, I informed them that I really wanted to leave, that I didn’t feel well, they said they can break camp soon and leave. Well, to be blunt, that took seven hours, that’s right…I kept track of time. There was eating, and then there was a passing around of a feather a couple times, people just lost track of time. I was getting anxious, but we eventually hit the road, and I am now done writing because my hand is tired.

On the road, I started thinking back to the whole experience, and I really started to realize how dumb I was and how much time I wasted complaining. Yes, a part of me is always a critic, so when you remove the movie from me, you are going to bet I’m up for critiquing something else, and my method of critiquing does involve looking for the negative aspects of a particular thing, but it also involves thinking about the positives – things I often overlooked on this whole ordeal.

I recognize that everyone here was very loving, and I am very glad I met every one of them. It was very different than I was used to, and that took me by surprise. Maybe a part of my isolation had to do with fear of the unknown. My view on the culture in general has been skewed greatly by what Rainbow patrons would call Babylonian traditions. It all sounds like its wacky and too much to handle, and it might be for you like it was for me. At the same time, you might love it and it may feel a spiritual connection as many others did. Most of my positive thoughts about it came after the fact, and I can respect it for what it is, and I can easily say I didn’t have a terrible time. That one night when I stayed up really put things in perspective for me. I still would rather the bathroom be an outhouse, but hey.

By the end of the day, and when I finally got to my ‘Babylonian’ home, my friend gave me something for going to my first Rainbow gathering – a handmade necklace with interchanging circles, representing infinity. I’ve been looking for a necklace kind of like this for a long time, but nothing ever spoke to me. This one does and I love it.

As for if I will ever return to a Rainbow Gathering? I don’t know. There were several times in the outing that I thought a declarative “NO”, but mixed feelings really changed things for me. After I hashed out what was going on in my head with my friend, it went from “NO” to I don’t know. Simply because I am still pretty particular, and I would have to somehow prepare myself further. This wasn’t something that you just forget, and I don’t even think my bad memory can erase this experience.

My Rainbow name is Shadow, and I’m here to tell you that what you heard or haven’t heard about Rainbow is true, and maybe not at the same time. You have to see it for yourself; experience for yourself, but prepare. It’s not what you’re used to.

Argumentative

It has recently come to my attention that I am being very misunderstood on a few things. First of all, this is dealing with online arguments. I need to make myself clear. When I argue online, I try not to defend with my opinions or emotions but solely based on learned and educated knowledge. That means, I might fight for something I personally generally agree with.

However, each time, people continue to state that it is based on emotion and personal opinions. No. I sometimes wish I had no opinions whatsoever. Opinions lead to closed-mindedness which lead to ignorance, which leads to hurt feelings. So I try to be direct and back my directness with sources of knowledge. So let’s get into a couple fights.

1. The argument on the “Sl*t”

This argument had to do with female friend #1 complaining publicly about the general disrespect females get for getting called *Sl*ts”. First of all, I have never liked or have ever used this term my entire life. I think it is an ugly word and shouldn’t be used. I didn’t say that because as you can see above, I don’t argue with my opinions, I argue with facts. So I made the general observation argument that words and their definition change over time. It happens all the time, that’s a  documented fact. Also remember that this was a general observation.

Basically, I was stating, its offensive now, but who knows about its definition in the future. The origins of the “N” word are gruesome as well, but that has been documented to change dramatically to a symbol of love and respect. (We’ll get to that in a second) but she misread it as me saying I support the calling of upsetting names like that. Again, I have never, nor will ever call a female a slut.

I didn’t offer my opinion because I don’t believe in publicly stating it. I believe whole heartedly that more fights and conflicts will arise with opinions.

2. The argument on the “N” word

This argument is a lot like the former, only this time, female friend #2 stated a potentially offensive status. She said “People that use the “N” word are ignorant” now first of all you’re complaining about something you believe is offensive by saying something offensive yourself? That’s exactly what starts fights and wars. Now again I come in at an educated angle. No opinion just facts.

Psychologically speaking, the use of the “n” word has evolved over the years. In a collected state of turmoil, African Americans have decided that they won’t let the word have power over them, that they won’t allow anymore negative properties be used with that term. Instead it now means friend, or buddy. It is used as a form of friendship, love and understanding. Now ignore psychological arguments and just look out your window. Its blatantly obvious that they aren’t fighting when calling each other the “n” word, they are smiling.

Again, my personal opinion, is I am uncomfortable with the word. I have never liked it nor have ever used it. I don’t ever plan to, I was just saying that I understand those who do choose to use it, and I respect them for that. So I was shunned for making female friend #2 feel that they couldn’t have opinions. I never said that. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions just as they are to their own religion. But with religion, you have to respect others choice of religion, and not tell them that they are wrong. Same here. Its just basic respect. You can hate it all you want just be considerate.

So I am ultimately shunned for laying down facts. Facts that maybe I don’t personally agree with. Maybe I should be a lawyer, because I argue facts, not opinions.