In the Moment

From the last paragraph of my latest blog entry, you would think I had everything figured out. It’s so interesting to see how fast something can happen that can change absolutely everything. To the point where I only have two options left on what I can or should do. At least this is how I feel right now, in the moment. A lot of people, I should say goal-oriented people, don’t understand how I work, because of that fact. I live in the moment. Goal oriented individuals have long-term goals ahead of their lives, and that’s completely fine. In a way, I wish that WAS how I operate, but I don’t. I live in the moment, and make decisions, bad or good, in that moment.

The decision I made to go home for a week, for example. Goal-oriented people, much like my roommates, think it was an ill-informed decision. Though, if I had to do it again, I would. I’m sorry if it upset them, okay? I am, but it was simply something I had to do. It was something I needed, and if I needed it again, I would probably do it. I live in the moment, so sue me!

Now, to those two options I mentioned earlier. The first option would be to find a roommate, pronto. The second would be, if I can’t find a roommate, I’m heading home, and figuring out things from there. Continuing to live in this apartment is not an option anymore, at least not “in the moment.” A goal-oriented person would look at this, and say, well living here is really helping me succeed in becoming an individual, and taking care of myself. Well congratulations for them being able to think like that, I just know what I need.

When I returned to Indianapolis, I knew what I was going to do. I had some plans. Heck, I even got an acceptance letter from Ivy Tech Community College for a Summer session. Things were looking up. All it takes is for one fight to destroy a good portion of motivation. It was an argument I’ve already gone through once, and if I can have that same argument twice, there’s a good chance it will never end.

That’s just the way it always goes in this apartment. There’s always a fight, always an argument, which ends up making a pair of close friends tear each other apart. I can’t handle that happening all the time. You can say it’s just something you need to deal with all you want. I don’t think it’s worth it to risk losing a good friendship. So this is it. In the next few weeks, if I don’t find a roommate, then it’s goodbye to Indianapolis. More on this later, Peace out.

Back in Indianapolis!

 

How was the trip one might ask? It depends. It had its ups, it had its downs. You know what they say, “Life is but a roller coaster, and you need to see it through.” Actually I don’t know if anyone has actually said that, but I know the roller coaster/life thing is an actual phrase, so…yeah. How was the trip? Well I guess I’ll start at the beginning.

I decided weeks ago that I was going to be heading home. Usually when I decide something, my word is solid, and I will go through with it. My roommates think I am stupid for doing so, but I believe it is something that defines me, another factor in life that makes me who I am. I have changed so much since I moved, sometimes I don’t even feel like myself anymore, but I move right along, and try to make everyone happy, which trust me, isn’t the easiest thing in the world to do. Many times, the outcome is disastrous. While my head was set on leaving, my roommates were set on believing it was a terrible decision. They still, to this day, thought I made a horrible decision.

Anyways back to the story, (sorry I have ADD, and my thought process never stops.) So I had my heart set on going home. The plans were set, Andy was going to ride to Indianapolis, and take me back to South Bend. Here’s the kicker…the original plan was to go back the same day. Good thing that wasn’t the case, or we might have died. Anyways when I told my plans to my manager at Hollister, and they told me I couldn’t do it that week, because they needed me. They needed me?! Every week for months I usually get the same crap schedule, two days a week, and I ask off one week, and they need me? I ended up working 30 hours that next week, all at 7 A.M.! It was nuts.

So I told Andy that our plans were delayed for the moment, and set to the next week. We sighed, but work was work, and money was appreciated. I spoke to my Hollister in South Bend. They told me they would for sure be able to keep some hours open for me so they could borrow me in. This was good news for me, seeing I could work while I was at home. This was a plus plus for us.

Here came the weather. Early weather reports claimed it would be raining all week. Making it cold and pretty impossible for Andy to get here on a moped, so a decision was made like a flash of lightning, Andy came over Sunday, and stayed until Friday, when we eventually left. It was one heck of a spontaneous decision, but it was fun. He stayed for five long days. We watched TV mostly. Then we were off on Friday morning.

The first thing you notice while you are on the backseat of a moped, is the fact that there really is not a back seat. You take an average bike seat, and stretch it a few inches, you got a moped seat. It was uncomfortable to say the least. Remember that epic scene in “Dumb and Dumber”? The scene with Lloyd and Harry on their scooter traveling cross country. Yeah..enough said.

The trip to Indianapolis took Andy 7 ½ hours, while it took the both of us 8 ½ hours, just because we stopped at Arby’s to eat, and stopped every 5 miles or so to readjust our butts. Trust me, every few minutes our butts got numb.

So back home at last. Was it a “Home Sweet Home” feeling? I guess you can say that, a little. It was like I never left. I ate out almost every day while I was home, which was nice considering I really don’t have enough to eat back in Indy. I swear I gained at least five pounds. What did I do while I was here? Well I went to church, went out to eat, hung with ironically one of my roommates, heck, I even saw a movie in 3D, and trust me, that is not cheap. We originally were planning to do a photo shoot with Tim and Marcy, but the weather turned for the worse, and we weren’t able to do it. Though we plan to in the near future. Though remember when I spoke to my Hollister in South Bend? It turns out they lied.  They promised me hours, and gave me didly squat.  That’s right.  So in that aspect, the trip wasn’t as good.

Then the question was getting home. For a while my roommate did not know if she was able to head to South Bend and give me a lift. Originally, she was planning to visit her sister, who also lives in the area. But she told me she was unsure if it was a possibility. You can probably guess this worried me. I’m not gonna lie, we got into a bit of a spat. Harsh things were said, needless to say I felt like crap afterwards. Well like a miracle, she did end up going to South Bend, and I did get a ride back. The trip back, we had a pretty serious conversation about things that need to change.

What can I say? It had its ups, it had its downs. Now I’m back in Indy, and it’s back to the planning, and back to the learning to live. As great as it was to be back home, going back to South Bend reminded me of all the reasons I left in the first place. It may or may not be for negative reasons, but for whatever reason. I know why I am here, and I know what I’m heading towards. More on this later, Peace Out