It’s Better To Have Loved and Lost Then to Never Have Loved At All

Really? Is it really?

You ask me, everyone who has ever loved at any given time, has lost their loved one…one way or another. Divorce, breakup, Alzheimer’s, death. What is the odds that two people in love grow old together, and die at the very same second? I don’t think it’s a very high percentage. Everyone loses the person they love, it’s just a matter of time.

Yet there’s always more fish in the sea, am I right? Well sure, but I don’t eat seafood…not only that, but let’s take an in-depth look at that saying shall we? Let’s see, either you catch and release a fish, or you eat it. Exactly how does that translate to the real world? You’re promiscuous or you’re a cannibal. No one keeps the fish as a pet, and if they did…what does THAT say? Domination. In order for that phrase to have any real significance, you’d have to catch a fish and marry it. Make decisions together, and what not. Since I don’t see a lot of people doing this, I’m just gonna exclude this phrase as a plausible solution.

Single people who have never loved don’t have to go through that torment of love. The opposite of love is evil, and love spelled backward is evol. Going through the motions of love is evil, or ends up being evil eventually, and going through the motions of breaking up is evil. Single people are lonely and that loneliness can be a real issue, but at least they don’t know what it’s like to have loved and lost. That kind of stuff can’t be ignored. There is no distractions when it comes to that.

But I have seen so many older couples do very happy. Walking the riverside holding hands with the widest smile I’ve ever seen before. Okay, well the harsh truth about that is eventually one of those two will pass away, and the other will then have the biggest frown you’ve ever seen. The bigger they are the harder they fall, the happier you are, or the more in love you are, the harder it is for you to get back up or even want to get back up at that.

I’m spending the end of the year single. I started it in a relationship, and got married not too much longer after that in February, a week and a day after my birthday. Which means I’ll be coming up on our first anniversary here soon. A year later I’m at the polar opposite of that spectrum. I’ll probably be legally divorced by our first anniversary. Isn’t that just the saddest thing you’ve ever heard?

So come on down, 2012…you’re the next contestant on “The Life is Wrong”

Yippy Skippy
Peace Out

NO

Why is it so easy for us to say “No”, but so hard for us to say “Yes”? Biologically, one could say it’s because “no” is one of the first things we are taught as an infant. It’s one of the very first words that ever come out of our mouths because we heard it so often as we developed. This much is true, and it could be the reason why we find it hard to say yes, but I think a huge reason why it’s hard to say yes sometimes is because “yes” takes time to think about. Sometimes when uncertainty arises, and a situation orders an answer out of you, you may not have an answer yet and need to discern between your wants and your needs…two entirely separate things. Sometimes “no” is just a place setting for a “yes” to come later.

I love my wife, very much. She loves me too. Things have happened in our marriage, very bad things that would make any one person capable of hating me, or her, or both of us. Rarely is there a person showing up that doesn’t care and loves us both. Equally we are at fault. A biased person would definitely think that either I’m trying to cover for myself, or cover for her. I’m telling you there is an equal amount of hate coming from my family to hers, and hers to mine. We created a stinking Romeo and Juliet scenario.

Anyways, we realized a lot that trying to be together, just never worked. Our relationship was so on again off again, it was like every time one of us left the other, it was like a giant hammer chiseling the skull, and crushing more and more fragments. The thing is I’m not blaming her or myself. She had the nail, but I gave her the hammer, so to speak. Likewise, I had the nail and she gave me the hammer for herself.

Before I can ever even think about getting back together with her, two things need to happen. Both of us need to heal. Get the rest of those broken shards of bone off the ground, super glue them, or do whatever needs to be done to get both our skulls back in perfect condition. Then, here’s a really important one, we have to throw away our nail and hammers. Now the skull, obviously is our mentality. The nail and hammer, however is a endless assortment of torture. Think about all the different types of abuse, and just use those as examples for now.

It’s not as easy as it sounds to just throw out a nail and hammer. In fact when it comes right down to it, it almost seems impossible. It might be the only way you’ve known to live. Maybe it’s not just abuse maybe it paranoia, which leads to assumptions, which leads to disbelief, which then leads to anger and ultimately abuse. It’s like we threw away those hammer and nails, but we went out before the garbage man showed up, and got them back inside for some last minute carpentering. We need to throw those things in a pit of lava and change dramatically or the same thing will happen over and over again.

Life is a dilemma when you cannot do anything rationally nice for the other person when it comes to love.