Really? Is it really?
You ask me, everyone who has ever loved at any given time, has lost their loved one…one way or another. Divorce, breakup, Alzheimer’s, death. What is the odds that two people in love grow old together, and die at the very same second? I don’t think it’s a very high percentage. Everyone loses the person they love, it’s just a matter of time.
Yet there’s always more fish in the sea, am I right? Well sure, but I don’t eat seafood…not only that, but let’s take an in-depth look at that saying shall we? Let’s see, either you catch and release a fish, or you eat it. Exactly how does that translate to the real world? You’re promiscuous or you’re a cannibal. No one keeps the fish as a pet, and if they did…what does THAT say? Domination. In order for that phrase to have any real significance, you’d have to catch a fish and marry it. Make decisions together, and what not. Since I don’t see a lot of people doing this, I’m just gonna exclude this phrase as a plausible solution.
Single people who have never loved don’t have to go through that torment of love. The opposite of love is evil, and love spelled backward is evol. Going through the motions of love is evil, or ends up being evil eventually, and going through the motions of breaking up is evil. Single people are lonely and that loneliness can be a real issue, but at least they don’t know what it’s like to have loved and lost. That kind of stuff can’t be ignored. There is no distractions when it comes to that.
But I have seen so many older couples do very happy. Walking the riverside holding hands with the widest smile I’ve ever seen before. Okay, well the harsh truth about that is eventually one of those two will pass away, and the other will then have the biggest frown you’ve ever seen. The bigger they are the harder they fall, the happier you are, or the more in love you are, the harder it is for you to get back up or even want to get back up at that.
I’m spending the end of the year single. I started it in a relationship, and got married not too much longer after that in February, a week and a day after my birthday. Which means I’ll be coming up on our first anniversary here soon. A year later I’m at the polar opposite of that spectrum. I’ll probably be legally divorced by our first anniversary. Isn’t that just the saddest thing you’ve ever heard?
So come on down, 2012…you’re the next contestant on “The Life is Wrong”
Yippy Skippy
Peace Out
I think its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved before. It’s true that on either side there is pain, but to never have known love not only makes for lonliness, it makes you feel unworthy of being loved, like something is wrong with you. Leaves you feeling no hope for the future.
During the ten years your dad and I were divorced, I went through lots of pain and lonliness, and never did find any other fish in the sea — none I cared about, anyway. But I never regretted the time spent with your dad. Okay, maybe sometimes! But we made some pretty good memories together and I was always thankful for that, no matter how things ended up. You three kids would not be here if your dad and I had never met. So I could never regret oiur relationship, only that it didn’t work out in the end. At least I had peace in knowing I’d given it all I had.
Sometimes grief and loss, after it’s done tearing you to pieces, has a way of remaking you into a stronger person. Like a glob of clay on a potter’s wheel. If what you were trying to make doesn’t turn out right, you punch the clay down and start reforming it until it becomes what you hoped for.
I am sad and sorry for all you have and are going through over this. I pray that 2012 will bring you some joy to replace the grief and take away the ache in your heart. You deserve a wonderful life
Love,
MoM
David,
Now you know how you made me feel.
_cat
Also, our marriage has made me deathly afraid of commitment. I, too, will be ending 2011 single.
Human existence would be meaningless without grief. You could not experience true joy in any form without experiencing that suffering. Is it best to live an unfulfilled life, carelessly going through the motions and not really live? Maybe that is best option for you. No one can give you an answer for that except yourself. However I challenge you to seriously think about what I’m going to say.
You spoke of an elderly couple enjoying their last days in life together. And you’re right, not only will there be a day when they have to say goodbye but the days following that goodbye will likely be the hardest he or she will ever face. I think what you’re forgetting is that even when a person is physically gone, they are still a part of you.
When you’re in a relationship with someone not only do you grow old together, but you also just grow together. You become an unbreakable part of one another. When a loved one dies (or leaves), regardless if it’s a mother, friend or lover, you are going to feel like a part of you is missing. But you are also going to have a stronger part of you that cherishes their memory. You will cherish who you’ve become, the life you’ve lived, and the lives you’ve changed, because of them. That strong part of you has a part of them. Forever.
Your family has helped shaped you into the person you are. By your logic, the love you’ll feel for them will inevitably cause too much remorse. Though I don’t believe for instant you would give them up to spare yourself the pain. And just imagine who you’d be if you never became close with them and grew to love them as you have. It may not be the exact same kind of love you’ll have for someone you marry, but it’s just as strong.
Inevitably people grow old or tragedy happens and you have to say goodbye. If all you have left, all you that you dwell on is the sadness within yourself, then you were never truly happy to begin with. If you don’t cherish who you are, your life and everyone’s life that you’ve touched, then you didn’t really grow with that person and form an unbreakable bond (because true love is unbreakable). I think you need to ask yourself if you’re sad and unhappy for losing a person you care about, or are you sad and unhappy because you’re sad and unhappy. By putting the blame on someone else people tend to feel validated. Blaming someone else is easier then accepting responsibility for your own circumstance and taking control of your life.
You can blame other people for how you feel all you want but it’s not going to get you anywhere. When it comes down to it, you are the one in charge of how you feel. The state of your life is nothing more than a reflection of your state of mind. That’s not to say it’s an easy process. You can’t rely on another human being for your happiness, only the strength within yourself. What’s important isn’t where you get your strength, but it’s that you have it. If someone finds it in God, or Buddha’s teachings, a career or hobby, then that’s great. No one can say it’s wrong for them. But everyone is different. So I urge you to really explore within yourself, understand what gives you strength, because that is the most validating feeling of all.
I strongly urge you to read writings by Soren Kierkegaard. He is a philosopher with a focus in existentialism. “The individual is solely responsible for giving his or her own life meaning and for living that life passionately and sincerely, in spite of many existential obstacles and distractions including despair, angst, absurdity, alienation, and boredom.” His beliefs in Theistic Existentialism are really inspiring. It’s not as contradictory as it sounds.
You are a wonderful person David. As much pain as we have caused each other over the years I never regret our friendship. I hope you are able to find happiness in life and find someone to love, and who loves you, unconditionally. Good luck in this New Year. It is never too late to find happiness.