It always bothers me when people think Facebook is where we all go when we die. In other words, heaven. It’s serious business, people, like, OMG! Just recently, I was unfriended for probably the dumbest reason in the world, but what do I know? It’s not that I assume anything over the Internet like some people. There could be a logical reason, but I’m just not seeing it.

You know those annoying posts you see all over Facebook, where one of your friends says those little sweet things about their significant other? Usually I couldn’t really care less, but it’s specifically the ones that don’t specify who they’re talking about, and simply substitutes the word “you” where their significant others name should be.

This friend of mine posted something like “I saw a full moon tonight, and it reminded me of you” I made a play off the words alone, and commented, “Thanks…I guess.” that’s not where I was unfriended, I shall continue.

I’m not the only friend of hers that commented. Another person asked, “your boyfriend is a werewolf?” (Another play on the original posts words, Full Moon). I didn’t say anything yet, I did after the next comment though. Instead of simply saying so is her brother, or her brother is too, the poster stated “her brother, too” Oh, this it too good. The two in succession: “Your boyfriend is a werewolf? Her brother, too” Anyone care to guess what I said next? “Wait, your boyfriend is your brother?”

Snarl snarl, lol. That sparked up the anger, not really sure why, entirely. Everyone else was entitled to joke around but me. Guess that’s just the way it is sometimes on Facebook. It’s serious business, 4 SRS, PPL!

You wanna talk about actual serious matters talk to me, ask me about how I’m getting a divorce and how my Grandpa recently stopped recognizing me altogether. Then maybe Facebookland won’t seem like the place we go to when we die.

PEACE

If life was a book…what would yours say on the back?

Well when it came to my life story, some might say its a mess of jumbled up words on paper, but that’s because they haven’t finished reading it yet. You see you aren’t the only person reading your life story, everyone around you is as well. Depending on how invested they are in your life. If your family and friends know anything about you, then they too, are reading your story. Though they might be skimming it.

My story started off a pretty predictable story. This story about a kid who thought he was unloved because bullies picked on him day in and day out. How he had nightmares of terrible things that would happen to him, and then wondered if maybe, just maybe, it wouldn’t be a bad thing to happen after all.

Throughout life, my story went from a tragedy, to a romance, to a thriller, to a mystery, to a horror, back to a tragedy again. When I first started to read this story, nothing seemed to signify that it would be anything surprising, but that wasn’t the case. With every good book, comes some good plot twists, and boy were there some good plot twists. And bad ones, as with anybodies LIFE.

Anyways, it would seem, since I finished my story, it had a twist ending. I won’t ruin it, as that would spoil the end for everyone. No worries though, because my life story seems to be a part of a series. I just finished the first book, or the first volume, if you will. I read the summary on the back of the next book, and it seems interesting. I hate how summaries aren’t so detailed. Guess I’ll start that book soon. Maybe a month from now…two? Sometime soon.

Peace out.

Really? Is it really?

You ask me, everyone who has ever loved at any given time, has lost their loved one…one way or another. Divorce, breakup, Alzheimer’s, death. What is the odds that two people in love grow old together, and die at the very same second? I don’t think it’s a very high percentage. Everyone loses the person they love, it’s just a matter of time.

Yet there’s always more fish in the sea, am I right? Well sure, but I don’t eat seafood…not only that, but let’s take an in-depth look at that saying shall we? Let’s see, either you catch and release a fish, or you eat it. Exactly how does that translate to the real world? You’re promiscuous or you’re a cannibal. No one keeps the fish as a pet, and if they did…what does THAT say? Domination. In order for that phrase to have any real significance, you’d have to catch a fish and marry it. Make decisions together, and what not. Since I don’t see a lot of people doing this, I’m just gonna exclude this phrase as a plausible solution.

Single people who have never loved don’t have to go through that torment of love. The opposite of love is evil, and love spelled backward is evol. Going through the motions of love is evil, or ends up being evil eventually, and going through the motions of breaking up is evil. Single people are lonely and that loneliness can be a real issue, but at least they don’t know what it’s like to have loved and lost. That kind of stuff can’t be ignored. There is no distractions when it comes to that.

But I have seen so many older couples do very happy. Walking the riverside holding hands with the widest smile I’ve ever seen before. Okay, well the harsh truth about that is eventually one of those two will pass away, and the other will then have the biggest frown you’ve ever seen. The bigger they are the harder they fall, the happier you are, or the more in love you are, the harder it is for you to get back up or even want to get back up at that.

I’m spending the end of the year single. I started it in a relationship, and got married not too much longer after that in February, a week and a day after my birthday. Which means I’ll be coming up on our first anniversary here soon. A year later I’m at the polar opposite of that spectrum. I’ll probably be legally divorced by our first anniversary. Isn’t that just the saddest thing you’ve ever heard?

So come on down, 2012…you’re the next contestant on “The Life is Wrong”

Yippy Skippy
Peace Out

Why is it so easy for us to say “No”, but so hard for us to say “Yes”? Biologically, one could say it’s because “no” is one of the first things we are taught as an infant. It’s one of the very first words that ever come out of our mouths because we heard it so often as we developed. This much is true, and it could be the reason why we find it hard to say yes, but I think a huge reason why it’s hard to say yes sometimes is because “yes” takes time to think about. Sometimes when uncertainty arises, and a situation orders an answer out of you, you may not have an answer yet and need to discern between your wants and your needs…two entirely separate things. Sometimes “no” is just a place setting for a “yes” to come later.

I love my wife, very much. She loves me too. Things have happened in our marriage, very bad things that would make any one person capable of hating me, or her, or both of us. Rarely is there a person showing up that doesn’t care and loves us both. Equally we are at fault. A biased person would definitely think that either I’m trying to cover for myself, or cover for her. I’m telling you there is an equal amount of hate coming from my family to hers, and hers to mine. We created a stinking Romeo and Juliet scenario.

Anyways, we realized a lot that trying to be together, just never worked. Our relationship was so on again off again, it was like every time one of us left the other, it was like a giant hammer chiseling the skull, and crushing more and more fragments. The thing is I’m not blaming her or myself. She had the nail, but I gave her the hammer, so to speak. Likewise, I had the nail and she gave me the hammer for herself.

Before I can ever even think about getting back together with her, two things need to happen. Both of us need to heal. Get the rest of those broken shards of bone off the ground, super glue them, or do whatever needs to be done to get both our skulls back in perfect condition. Then, here’s a really important one, we have to throw away our nail and hammers. Now the skull, obviously is our mentality. The nail and hammer, however is a endless assortment of torture. Think about all the different types of abuse, and just use those as examples for now.

It’s not as easy as it sounds to just throw out a nail and hammer. In fact when it comes right down to it, it almost seems impossible. It might be the only way you’ve known to live. Maybe it’s not just abuse maybe it paranoia, which leads to assumptions, which leads to disbelief, which then leads to anger and ultimately abuse. It’s like we threw away those hammer and nails, but we went out before the garbage man showed up, and got them back inside for some last minute carpentering. We need to throw those things in a pit of lava and change dramatically or the same thing will happen over and over again.

Life is a dilemma when you cannot do anything rationally nice for the other person when it comes to love.

What is something used in prisons? The shoe. More commonly referred to as Solitary Confinement. What is this room designed for? Well…the more…difficult of prisoners. For all you parents out there, this is the more strict version of a child being grounded.

When a prisoner, who is being impossible, gets thrown into a room for an unknown amount of time. A day, a week, a month…longer? In some cases, yes. The room is dark, and the only social interaction the prisoner gets is when the door’s latch opens up to receive food. Or so it shows in the media. Real life’s interpretation may be different, but the idea is the same.

Solitary Confinement deeply messes with the prisoner’s mind. It makes them go mad. In some cases, the prisoner’s develop PTSD, or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. People need social interaction to stay sane, so why do they get such unusual punishment?

A prisoner that goes around stabbing other inmates repeatedly is probably unlikely to listen to anyone’s suggestion to stop stabbing the inmates. He’s in prison anyway, maybe he is serving a life sentence, so why does he have to listen to anyone’s suggestions? Because if he doesn’t, he’ll be thrown in the shoe, and if you ask me, a man’s sanity is incredibly important.

In reality, we are all serving a death penalty. The only sure thing in life is death.  This is true, it is the only thing we can truly expect to happen. It is the only thing we know is going to happen, so why should we have any repercussions of our actions? Well because if we don’t, we’ll be thrown into the shoe of our own making. Solitary.

If you are someone who gives disrespect to others, and don’t very much care about their well being, then they are sure to push you away into that solitary confinement. If you know what it takes to get out on good behavior, you should do it, and ignore your death penalty.  Otherwise you will be thrown into solitary confinement, and it will drive you absolutely bonkers.

If you ask me, prisoners should have the option to have solitary confinement as well as social interactions with others. If they are in that metal room with just a slit to open and talk to others. I don’t think anyone will be stabbed to death, and the prisoner gets to have his social interactions, but if that prisoner get so upset about his situation and takes advantage of it, spewing anger and hatred out his window of opportunity, then that window will shut, and it’s lights out, pal.

We can apply these analogies to real life.  A lot of times, we are so stuck at a place in our lives, and it is so incredibly easy to get upset at others, and often you never know what you had until you lost it. In some cases, things lost can be found again, but in other cases, if you keep losing your prized possession, your bound to lose it for good at some point.

The question you really want to ask yourself is…what would you do? Would you allow someone to keep being a danger to themselves and to others repeatedly, or would you throw them into solitary confinement, where they may end up getting PTSD? That is an incredibly hard choice to make, and we shouldn’t be the ones to enforce that. There is no right answer, they are both bad.  If it is a matter of protecting yourself, solitary confinement is probably the right choice for you.

If you have no choice, then you have no choice. In the end, you just have to remember that you gotta do what you gotta do. It’s all instinctual. If this is what you have to do to survive, don’t question it. Sometimes, we have incredibly difficult decisions like this, and you may have no other choice then to put someone in the shoe. I just hope none of you ever have to go through that.

Yes, this is all a metaphor of something going on in my life. Deal with it.

PEACE OUT.

A part of separation is taking advantage of the space between you and your spouse, to focus on yourself. This means doing what is necessary to make sure that you are in good standing. This means your are both physically and mentally healthy, and realize you don’t need a partner in life to keep living. It’s that dependency that lingers, and wants to take complete control of our lives, even if we don’t think that’s what we are dealing with.

Separation confuses a lot of people. The only real difference between a divorce and separation is the people in the separation generally are striving to do what needs to be done to someday be together, after everything else has been fixed. Though, what a lot of people don’t understand is that they really need to work on themselves first, before they take that second step, and start working on their relationship.

They may understand that they have to work on themselves first, but they think that means you have to help them with it. Again, we are diving back into dependency here. Separation can be done a couple ways, through solitude, or by still being civil with your significant other by long distance means. Keeping in contact, but not hanging out. Both of you need to focus on yourself, and make sure that you are physically and psychologically healthy.

I really don’t think those who are in separations will work if they ignore their responsibilities to simply hang out together. In some cases, it may okay to meet up for a couple hours, but when it comes down to overnight, it’s not a good idea. I believe to reach oneness with yourself, you have to do it on your own, in solitude. I also believe you are allowed to keep in contact with the other person, I think that is healthy, to keep remembering what you are both fighting for, but don’t push it.

It is called separation for a reason. You are separated! Do you want to stay in the marriage? Absolutely. Do you have to take the necessary steps to get back to that point of trust and understanding, absolutely! That means not seeing each other, but keeping in touch in these very delicate situations.

I cannot stress this enough. You have to work on yourself before you work on a marriage. Because there can be no marriage to begin with if you don’t first establish you.

Another fact, you cannot do self-counseling. I think for the mundane of circumstances can be dealt with through self-counseling, but with more serious matters, it won’t do much help to self-counsel.  The very most it will do is help you cope with being on your own, but it won’t help you discover your true potential unless you get professional help.

Being on your own, having time to fix yourself before anything else has proven to be successful to maintain a relationship. Quite frankly, you need to heal, and find self-actualization. Only then, can you go on to fix the marriage.  I know you really want to see that other person sometimes, to establish what you are fighting for, but by keeping in contact with them, you can do the same thing.

There is something that happens when you meet face-face that makes your goals seem to just vanish. You suddenly remember everything good that has ever happened before, and just maybe, maybe it’ll be okay. So even if it is subconscious, meeting with the other person will put you into that blissful state, which is a lie, and you could be stuck at square one again. You have to wait, you have to have patience. No one wants to, but you need to. Life is frustrating, but you gotta do what you gotta do.

Your world is not shattered, I assure you. It may seem like that, but it’s always possible to sew it back together again. Tape won’t work in this situation. Not even duct tape.

PEACE OUT.

If at first you don’t succeed…try try again. Of course we have all heard that saying, but what if what you are doing obviously proves not to actually work. I’m talking about something that’s been done a half a dozen times. Getting into and out of a relationship for example. We’ll just try again…that didn’t work, let’s just get back on that horse, etc.

Look, when you are in a relationship that just seems to be toxic not only to yourselves, but the people around you that care about you, that repetition cycle continues, and it just keeps going…and going…and going. We all love familiar things, even if they are bad for you. Sometimes you don’t know what else to do, the harshness of the world can scare you like that.

When you are in the dangerous world of separation, but the both of you truly do want to be together, it is extremely easy to forget all the bad that has gone on from both sides, and just try to keep going, incredibly easy. You just have to remember, it hasn’t worked for you the last six times, what makes you think it will now? You have to go about it with a different approach. It’s common sense!

This is no time to be stubborn.  You, me, and everyone else in this world has a level of stubbornness in them, and it has done nothing but frustrate people. However, you can transform that stubbornness into something else. Turn it into a drive. For me, I turned a lot of my stubbornness into a drive to succeed in life, to succeed in school. I’m using my power for good. It may not be that simple for everyone though.

If you are separated and several miles away, and realize you need to get counseling in order to keep the marriage alive, then do so, but if you cannot find a way to  meet in the same place, you have to go to separate counselors. You have to do what you have to do.  You have to love yourself before you love anyone else, and the same is true for counselors, you have to work on yourself before you work on your relationship.  It is very important to be healthy, not only physically but psychologically speaking.

You can’t go right back into that relationship either, or you are bound to hear that Energizer bunny coming around the corner. The past will repeat itself if you don’t first establish trust and understand, and all that good stuff.  But again, for some people, this could be incredibly difficult to just imagine, let alone act upon.

If love is strong, and worth fighting for, then you’ll do what you gotta do…not what you want to do.

PEACE OUT

A long, long time ago, a man named Abraham Maslow created a pyramid graph, depicting the “Hierarchy of Needs”. It represented the order of things you need in life to reach “Self-Actualization”, a wonderful state, of well, Zen.  That doesn’t mean nothing bad ever happens, just you have a different outlook on it then, say, someone who hasn’t yet found self actualization.

Anyone can say they have self-actualization, but few do, because they ignore the process in which it takes to receive it. There is a process, an order. There is a reason why it is a pyramid. You can’t have this or that, without first having something else to support it.  I believe I have self-actualization, because I took an in-depth look at each individual part before coming to that conclusion.

The first step in the process, taking it’s place at the bottom of the pyramid, the foundation, if you will, is Physical Needs.  No, not physical touch, this just basically means the bare essentials. Having a roof over your head and plenty of food at your disposal are a couple of things found in this section. If you are homeless, you probably see symptoms of stress, depression and anxiety.  Though, if you have the base, you most likely are rested, energetic and satisfied. I have a roof over my head and food at my disposal. I meet the first requirement.

Next up is Safety Needs. Now safety needs could mean a variety of things, such as physical safety, psychological safety and security.  I am safe right now, no harm is going to happen to me right now, and I am also secure for the time being. So I meet this step, which gives me confidence and trust towards others. People who don’t usually experience a sense of fear or paranoia.

Love Needs would be the third step. This is where someone has the need to feel loved. Whether it be by a family member, a relationship or marriage. Even the joining of a gang or cult can make someone feel loved.  A lot of people jump into a relationship, whether it be a good or bad person just to have that sense of love.  No matter what, I have a family that supports me, and is there for me, so I feel their love. This makes me feel cared for and content.  People without this usually feel lonliness and uncared for.

Second to last step would be Esteem/Self-Esteem. You cannot love anyone else unless you first love yourself. I do love myself, and through that I can love others.  This creates balance in my life and allows me to be respectful. Doesn’t mean I don’t slip up once in a while. This isn’t a plan where you can’t step down once in a while, you just have to fight to stay up on top. People with low self-esteem are usually self-loathing and have no respect for others.

This brings us to the last step, which is Self Actualization itself.  I said before you are in a state of Zen.  To be more specific, you accept yourself and you know exactly where you’re going in life.  You accept your own flaws and those around you, and accept difficult situations around you, but don’t dwell on them. Dwelling doesn’t solve anything. Accepting it, and deciding how to fix it is another thing.

People who haven’t met self-actualization usually are empty, hollow, feel they have no purpose, and are alienated from everyone. It’s not a pretty scenario. I have self-actualization, because I know exactly where I am going, and I cannot wait to get there. Drama is happening all around me every day, which sucks, but I don’t dwell on it. Doesn’t mean that I don’t care, just means I don’t dwell.

Having self-actualization is a freeing and rewarding feeling.  If everyone had this, there would be no more wars. Only understanding of one another, and acceptance. All having a common goal to climb the ladder of success. That’s what I’m doing, climbing that ladder, making sure I get to the top.

PEACE OUT

I was just recently given the choice between poverty and security. Well, that doesn’t seem like any choice at all.  It is, and I’ll tell you why. Right now, I am in a terribly-timed situation.  A baby on the way, while living apart with my wife, and no work. All I have is school. On the other hand…all I have is school.

I know that baby is coming soon. I know it needs a lot, and needs a working parent….or two….to make sure it has all it’s necessities, but I also know with school, the most I’ll be able to get is a part time job. Full time jobs usually require you to cut in to your schools time, and are less flexible with that. Plus, full time jobs would pull my attention from my already waning attention for school. I cannot do anything that will jeopardize my education.

My education ensures everything. It ensure where I will be when I turn 64.  Will I be dead after so long on the streets? Will I still be working my tail off and not getting paid enough for it, or will I be retired. That’s the real question. An education ensures not only my 64th year, but it ensures forever for me, my wife, and my child or children.  It ensures happiness and security versus pain and poverty, which they would never get out of if I chose poverty.

What I mean by choosing poverty, if you haven’t guessed already, is quitting school to make sure the baby is taken care of.  That could ruin everything.  No one wants poverty. In both my cases, there will be poverty, it’s only up to me if I want to make it last forever.

I have one last chance for school. I went all out this time, making sure I only had one chance. Took out loans, financial aid, all that. Meaning if I drop out of college, I will be in debt for the rest of my life ON TOP of the already poverty position I was placed in by leaving school.

It sucks. No one said life was easy. In the grand scheme of things, going to school will ensure my families safety and security. That is what I want most of all, and I’m feeling crazy for wanting that. For having this ambition. To succeed in school where many in my family failed.

This is a terrible dilemma, and it makes me out to be some terrible person.  What needs to be understood though, is every time in the poverty position, I will be in debt because of the loans.  Therefore, I cannot take care of my family whatsoever, as I have to pay back loans with that work money.

I choose security for all the right reasons. “Shaping Through Successive Approximations“ has to do greatly with my decision.   I can’t have the Gotta Have it All outlook. Even when it comes to a baby.  Especially when it comes to a baby. That’s when it is easiest to have that outlook. Many people give up their educations forever to take care of their child, that is great when you have some kind of fall-back plan. When you don’t, and your “Fallback plan” is a homeless shelter, you are endangering yourself and the baby.  My choice to stay in school and hold on to that insurance that there will be a brighter day gives me strength.

You may not understand now, but some day you will. Some day, you’ll thank me later.

PEACE OUT.

It’s always interesting to go into class, being psychology, and learning something about your life in it’s current state. Among the many things learned today in class, we learned about “Shaping Through Successive Approximations”. In Lamen’s Terms, that basically means, baby steps.

To be more descriptive, it is defined as taking small steps towards small goals and being reinforced for those steps to eventually meet your future goals in life. It is the opposite of the “Gotta have it now” outlook on life.

As my professor said, for important things, you can’t just have things now, most things in life take time and patience to achieve. I am shaping through successive approximation by going to school. I know it’ll take forever, but the end picture will be great, because I have an education.

I would love to just be finished with school and have my career right now, but I know that I can’t. I know that it will take a whole lot of time and hard work to do this.

Just look at the world around you. If you really looked at everything, you would realize how much patience you really needed. Sometimes, things just pass you by, and you don’t even realize it. Take a walking sign. I bet you would love to just cross that street. You are short on time, you very much need to cross the street, but you have to wait for it to tell you to walk. Or you will get run over.

For some people, it is incredibly difficult to have patience for certain things. Which is completely understandable, having things as soon as possible creates a great amount of security and well-being. It is a comfortable thought, but in most cases you just can’t have things now. The most you can have are temporary fixes, which are just that, temporary. The only real fix is patience, and the eventual completed picture, after baby-steps are taken.

Now, there are a lot of baby steps. It takes a baby forever to get from one end of a room to the other. It can be a discouraging thought. Knowing how much of your life you have to devote yourself to school, in my case. Four years.  That’s only a 6th of my life right there. It’s terrifying facing the unknown. It’s enough to scare you out of going to school for some people, and they lose sight on the big picture. The very reason they are going to school to begin with. We just have to stay strong, and keep our eye on the ball.

In my current state, I can only do so much at the current time. I can get a part-time job, where I hopefully wouldn’t lose focus on school. This is very touchy, because I know how distracted I can get while doing two seriously important things at the same time. I have the fear that I am not going to succeed in either if put a job in the mix. But I am willing to go to work, to help out my situation with my family.

Even so, I am still limited on what I can and cannot do.  There is a lot I want to do right now, a lot. There is a lot I wish I could just make go away, and be happy with my wife and child. It is such a frustration not to be able to get what I want when I want, but I know that one day, I will get it.  Until then, I can only do what I can do.

I’m just a guy sitting on the curb waiting for that stop light to turn green.

PEACE OUT.

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