One Very Long Week
So right now, most of you are aware that I am between living situations. I just had my goodbye party back home, and I only just finished my week back in Indianapolis, Indiana. Let me tell you, for me at least, this was one busy week. Let me just begin at the beginning.
Saturday morning I ventured back to the same town I lived in for five months. I’ve been away for a few months but the second I arrived, the feeling was surreal. I almost felt like I never left.
The next day moved by slowly. While the girls went to Metropolis to shop for clothes, I stayed home to rest. Later that afternoon, I decided to bus downtown to revisit old friends who I used to work with at the mall, but sadly, the bus never showed at it’s scheduled time.
On Monday the 27th, I went downtown once more, to Ivy Tech to turn in paperwork for my financial aid information. Because my mother was absent, I had to forge her signature. I was hopeful to go to Hollister this time after finishing up, but due to the onset of a very severe migraine headache, I had to rush home. Later, I diagnosed this to be the third worst migraine of my life.
That night we decided to pull an all nighter, because a friend was going in for surgery early the next morning. Probably a terrible idea, seeing how grumpy everyone was at 5:30 in the morning. As soon as we got back from taking her to the hospital, we crashed, only to be woken up two hours later to pick her up…the surgery was over. Needless to say we got back and slept clear to six o’clock in the afternoon. After waking up I finally was able to go to the mall, only to realise, all my old managers were fired for drinking on the job.
The next day we went to Carmel, IN, just north of Indianapolis. There we found the miniature museum, run by an old lady. We had to ring the doorbell to get in. From the museum, we went to a garden. Nothing much to add there.
On Thursday, I went to the Indianapolis Zoo. There I saw many animals like lions and tigers and bears, oh my! I was also able to see some elephants do tricks, and I fed a giraffe! After this I went to yet another garden just outside the Indianapolis Museum of Art. The garden led to this gigantic old mansion that I was able to take a tour of, very cool. Finally I ended up at the museum, just in time to see some 700 year old paintings of the crucifixion. Also a ~500 BC Wine jar. Seeing something that old one foot away from me was super awesome. I don’t think I was suppose to, but I snapped a picture of it.
Tomorrow, I will head back to the museum to finish the last two levels. I hear there is some 4000 year old art work still to see. Not sure if I’ll be doing anything else tomorrow or not, but we’ll be leaving for Minneapolis this Saturday, so stay tuned.
Life Without Internet – A Rant
I’ve lost count of the days I have had no internet. It could have only just been a few days…but then again it could also be a few weeks. Who knows. One thing for certain, is I have been detoxing severely. I still have no internet. The only way I am able to use the internet is to go to my public library, and that has its limits.
I’m pretty sure its against the law to download on these computers, or against Library regulation. Which is pretty ridiculous seeing how I’d only be downloading it to my USB Flash Drive. I was, however , able to upload a video to Youtube. If I am able to upload…whose to say I’m not able to download? I don’t know, it doesn’t matter.
The main thing I miss most of the internet is downloading my favorite TV shows or movies. We recently lost our cable…as well as the internet. So we lost a lot of opportunities to watch our shows. Thankfully, its only summer, and everything is on hiatus…expect the fact that everyone knows the best movies come out in the Summer.
I don’t know. Life sucks. I can’t even steal the neighbor’s internet right. Oh well. I’ll see you when I finally get the internet back…or when I re-visit the library.
In the Moment
From the last paragraph of my latest blog entry, you would think I had everything figured out. It’s so interesting to see how fast something can happen that can change absolutely everything. To the point where I only have two options left on what I can or should do. At least this is how I feel right now, in the moment. A lot of people, I should say goal-oriented people, don’t understand how I work, because of that fact. I live in the moment. Goal oriented individuals have long-term goals ahead of their lives, and that’s completely fine. In a way, I wish that WAS how I operate, but I don’t. I live in the moment, and make decisions, bad or good, in that moment.
The decision I made to go home for a week, for example. Goal-oriented people, much like my roommates, think it was an ill-informed decision. Though, if I had to do it again, I would. I’m sorry if it upset them, okay? I am, but it was simply something I had to do. It was something I needed, and if I needed it again, I would probably do it. I live in the moment, so sue me!
Now, to those two options I mentioned earlier. The first option would be to find a roommate, pronto. The second would be, if I can’t find a roommate, I’m heading home, and figuring out things from there. Continuing to live in this apartment is not an option anymore, at least not “in the moment.” A goal-oriented person would look at this, and say, well living here is really helping me succeed in becoming an individual, and taking care of myself. Well congratulations for them being able to think like that, I just know what I need.
When I returned to Indianapolis, I knew what I was going to do. I had some plans. Heck, I even got an acceptance letter from Ivy Tech Community College for a Summer session. Things were looking up. All it takes is for one fight to destroy a good portion of motivation. It was an argument I’ve already gone through once, and if I can have that same argument twice, there’s a good chance it will never end.
That’s just the way it always goes in this apartment. There’s always a fight, always an argument, which ends up making a pair of close friends tear each other apart. I can’t handle that happening all the time. You can say it’s just something you need to deal with all you want. I don’t think it’s worth it to risk losing a good friendship. So this is it. In the next few weeks, if I don’t find a roommate, then it’s goodbye to Indianapolis. More on this later, Peace out.
Back in Indianapolis!
How was the trip one might ask? It depends. It had its ups, it had its downs. You know what they say, “Life is but a roller coaster, and you need to see it through.” Actually I don’t know if anyone has actually said that, but I know the roller coaster/life thing is an actual phrase, so…yeah. How was the trip? Well I guess I’ll start at the beginning.
I decided weeks ago that I was going to be heading home. Usually when I decide something, my word is solid, and I will go through with it. My roommates think I am stupid for doing so, but I believe it is something that defines me, another factor in life that makes me who I am. I have changed so much since I moved, sometimes I don’t even feel like myself anymore, but I move right along, and try to make everyone happy, which trust me, isn’t the easiest thing in the world to do. Many times, the outcome is disastrous. While my head was set on leaving, my roommates were set on believing it was a terrible decision. They still, to this day, thought I made a horrible decision.
Anyways back to the story, (sorry I have ADD, and my thought process never stops.) So I had my heart set on going home. The plans were set, Andy was going to ride to Indianapolis, and take me back to South Bend. Here’s the kicker…the original plan was to go back the same day. Good thing that wasn’t the case, or we might have died. Anyways when I told my plans to my manager at Hollister, and they told me I couldn’t do it that week, because they needed me. They needed me?! Every week for months I usually get the same crap schedule, two days a week, and I ask off one week, and they need me? I ended up working 30 hours that next week, all at 7 A.M.! It was nuts.
So I told Andy that our plans were delayed for the moment, and set to the next week. We sighed, but work was work, and money was appreciated. I spoke to my Hollister in South Bend. They told me they would for sure be able to keep some hours open for me so they could borrow me in. This was good news for me, seeing I could work while I was at home. This was a plus plus for us.
Here came the weather. Early weather reports claimed it would be raining all week. Making it cold and pretty impossible for Andy to get here on a moped, so a decision was made like a flash of lightning, Andy came over Sunday, and stayed until Friday, when we eventually left. It was one heck of a spontaneous decision, but it was fun. He stayed for five long days. We watched TV mostly. Then we were off on Friday morning.
The first thing you notice while you are on the backseat of a moped, is the fact that there really is not a back seat. You take an average bike seat, and stretch it a few inches, you got a moped seat. It was uncomfortable to say the least. Remember that epic scene in “Dumb and Dumber”? The scene with Lloyd and Harry on their scooter traveling cross country. Yeah..enough said.
The trip to Indianapolis took Andy 7 ½ hours, while it took the both of us 8 ½ hours, just because we stopped at Arby’s to eat, and stopped every 5 miles or so to readjust our butts. Trust me, every few minutes our butts got numb.
So back home at last. Was it a “Home Sweet Home” feeling? I guess you can say that, a little. It was like I never left. I ate out almost every day while I was home, which was nice considering I really don’t have enough to eat back in Indy. I swear I gained at least five pounds. What did I do while I was here? Well I went to church, went out to eat, hung with ironically one of my roommates, heck, I even saw a movie in 3D, and trust me, that is not cheap. We originally were planning to do a photo shoot with Tim and Marcy, but the weather turned for the worse, and we weren’t able to do it. Though we plan to in the near future. Though remember when I spoke to my Hollister in South Bend? It turns out they lied. They promised me hours, and gave me didly squat. That’s right. So in that aspect, the trip wasn’t as good.
Then the question was getting home. For a while my roommate did not know if she was able to head to South Bend and give me a lift. Originally, she was planning to visit her sister, who also lives in the area. But she told me she was unsure if it was a possibility. You can probably guess this worried me. I’m not gonna lie, we got into a bit of a spat. Harsh things were said, needless to say I felt like crap afterwards. Well like a miracle, she did end up going to South Bend, and I did get a ride back. The trip back, we had a pretty serious conversation about things that need to change.
What can I say? It had its ups, it had its downs. Now I’m back in Indy, and it’s back to the planning, and back to the learning to live. As great as it was to be back home, going back to South Bend reminded me of all the reasons I left in the first place. It may or may not be for negative reasons, but for whatever reason. I know why I am here, and I know what I’m heading towards. More on this later, Peace Out
Giant Waste of Time
It’s been a while since I’ve written on here, so I thought I’d update you guys, since I’ve obviously got nothing better to do.
You know what’s funny about waking up at five o’clock in the morning? Nothing, actually it’s a pain in the butt, and me saying it’s funny was really just sarcasm, if you didn’t catch that. But let’s pretend for a second that it is funny, here’s what happened:
For the past month at work, I’ve been getting the same schedule, two days, Wednesday and Thursday at 7:00 A.M. to 12:00 P.M. Well, again this was my schedule for the week, or so I thought. I called Hollister up, and Liz answered, I asked for my schedule, and yes, that is what she told me.
So thinking I had to work, I got up at 5:00 in the morning like I always do. Why do I get up that early, you may ask? Actually for plenty reasons. I need to boot up my computer, check the weather for the day, make myself breakfast, and allow my body to wake up. Anyways after I’m ready, I leave at 6:13 am, don’t ask, because I don’t have the time to explain bus schedules to you.
The bus usually gets downtown Indianapolis at 7:00 on the dot, sometimes a few minutes earlier, which means I am usually a little late. Thankfully, Hollister is not too strict on that fact. Anyways, for once the bus actually got there four minutes early, allowing me to run to the mall, getting me there on time. Regardless to say, I was proud of myself.
So in I went, the mall isn’t actually open until 10 A.M. (woah…deja vu, I’ll talk about that later.) The mall isn’t open, but the doors are, which isn’t important to you, nor is any of this blog, I’m just writing to write. I get to the store, start getting ready when Daren, my manager, comes up to me and tells me I’m not on the schedule…what do you mean I’m no on the schedule.
I called on Saturday, and Liz told me I worked today, even my roomate overheard the conversation. Okay so, they changed the schedule last minute…it happens. In fact it happened once before, but thankfully they were able to use me. Daren…wasn’t able to use me. So I had to leave for home.
I’m kinda angry, not Hulk-Angry, but still feel a bit gypped. Wouldn’t you? I was totally planning to go job hunting today as well. Something that would have taken me possibly 5 hours to do. (I checked.) Well let me tell you something, I’m not about to go job hunt at 7:00 in the morning. So I went home.
Oh about the Deja Vu. It wasn’t about what I was talking about, it was what I was talking about literally, the letters, the words. I over looked them, and it was like I wrote them all before…in a dream perhaps… I use to have them all the time.
What does death feel like?
I was wondering this when I was in the bathroom this evening. What does death feel like? No one really knows. I am not talking about getting shot, or stabbed, or anything like that. I’m not even referring to natural death. I mean what does death feel like, after you’ve already passed? If you could feel, what would it be like?
Would it be painful? Would it be peaceful? It’s a mind boggling question, you have to admit. One has to wonder, if the heart has stopped, then there would be no body heat whatsoever, so does that mean you’d feel freezing? One thing I know is that whenever I have a fever, I tend to feel pretty cold, and always get under the covers. If your body temperature lowers quite a bit, is it so hard to wonder if your body gets warmer? Would you feel cold or hot, or quite possibly, nice and warm?
What if you were unconfortable? There’s nothing much you can do about that. You are paralyzed when you die, so that is out of the question. If it was peaceful, would you be worried if it was too peaceful? One has to thing that if you’re dead, every organ in your body is still. You can’t hear, see or breath. You can’t even feel your own heartbeat, or the faint rush of blood through your veins, because you sir, are dead. Would that bother you? In that much of tranquility?
I think it would be a lot like a state of awareness. At peace with the world and your life, much like I think it would be on your deathbed. I’ve always heard of old people who are at peace with their lives, willing to pass on. Never have I heard of an elder in their death bed trying to cheat death, continue living. They all want to die. Before they get to that age though, old people are mean. Just plain mean. Since they know their time is almost near, they think they can do whatever they want, cause they know they won’t get any crap for it. Anyways that is my rant, peace out.
Unusual Dream
I had a dream last night, pretty vivid, and very strange.
It started out in a building full of dozens of people, a few of them I
actually knew. They were all sitting in their designated seats, and
there were hostiles in the front of the room with intent to kill.
Though they did promise to let a lucky few of us live.
The executions were simple. It went four people at a time, completely
random. We would all sit and wait. Then overhead, water would pour over
four people. These were the chosen to be killed. This is how it went
over and over.
Things were looking up for me until the end. There was only a few people left. Then I remember the feeling as water spilled over my head.
Once this group was picked, they had 5 minutes to say goodbye, hug people, whatever. Then it was time to die.
On the side of the room, there were four spots where currently people were
getting hooked up to something. It was something like an electric
chair, but there was no sitting only standing. When they attached the
restraints, people were screaming in pain.
You start to freak out when you know you ate about to die. You don’t know if you did what you were supposed to do in life.
So they began hooking it up to me, and I understood the pain of the
others. The machine was still a little zappy, from all the other electrocutions.
Imagine accidentaly touching a power outlet times 100 all of your body, wherever the restraints were places. One last second of hope, then the pain shot through my body? Was the dream over? No.
The second dream looked like the last one all over again. To my side, four nooses awaited.
I understood now. The captures didn’t intend to allow anyone to live.
They were going to kill every last one of them in cold blood, and have
them experienced in every way possible.
I wasn’t going to let this slide. I didn’t want to get hung, so it was up to me to stop it. I went to the back of the room, behind all of the seats. There I found
hundreds of rows of bookshelves for miles. The name of my captor was
Darth Vader. Though he was not the Darth Vader of Star Wars. But he was
just as evil, untrustworthy, and ugly once you see his true colors.
I never saw him but I heard him in my head as I tried to find an escape
route, taunting my every step. Finally, for some reason there was a
desk with what looked like a receptionist. I told him what was going
on. He was surprised, and started to dial 911. His phone call was cut
short as he was shot by Vader.
Later on I returned to that spot, and got behind the desk, there was a room behind that desk, so I went in there. Inside, there was an empty room with a ladder which looked like it didn’t have an end, so I climbed and climbed.
At the top, there was a key to freedom. I used it to get out the main door,
and was free, but I wasn’t. At the top there was one of Vader’s
henchman, and he dragged me back down, through an elevator and it
started all over again.
Somehow, later in the dream, I gathered everybody up, and led them all to safety. Took down the henchman, and were home free.
That was my strange strange dream. Hope you enjoyed it. Peace out.
Bar-hopping
Okay, I have a friend turning 21. It seem’s all they can talk about, is how they cannot wait to go bar-hopping on their birthday. Last time I checked, you drink too much alchohol, its illegal and dangerous. I made a vow a long time ago never to smoke or drink, and I haven’t. In my mind, its just stupid.
I get angry everytime they say bar-hopping. They just don’t get it. I believe that they are just too blinded with years of rebellion, and don’t see the facts. All they care about is that it is legal, and so they shove it in your face, driving you mad. Drinking makes you do stupid things! If at the age of 30, it was ruled legal to be a cannibal, and eat innocent people, would you go out, cannibal-hopping? Its just dumb. Just because you turn 21, doesn’t mean you have to go out and drink.
I am against drinking in general, because I see no point in it at all. It does nothing but negative things. People say, “Oh, but it makes you feel better!” Really? Then can you please explain to me the large amount of puke on my shoes? Oh and how about that tremendous headache you are experiencing? Yeah, I can totally see that it made you feel better! Makes me wanna get drunk too! Not.
If you are to drink, drink wine celebrating a special day. I wouldn’t, but if I would think about drinking, that would be the only case where I would say it is okay, period. As you can see, its a sensitive matter to me, ive seen the effects of drinking personally, and I can tell you its nothing pretty. Talking about it got me pretty mad with a friend once resulting in us not talking for a few months. Anyways. That was my rant for the day. Peace out!
Mike’s over
So Michael is over right now, and playing with two action figures of Buzz Lighthear. The first one is that 12inch action figure that was popular in the 90’s. The other one was a McDonald’s happy meal toy. Apparently, small happy meal toy version of Buzz, is apparently the son of 12 inch version…
